Military Priorities Today

 

In  these modern and enlightened times, employees feel they have a right  to bring their domestic issues to the workplace. Employers have assumed a new duty to care for employee “wellness.“ and competition in the market place for wellness benevolence is fierce. Never mind about productivity or shareholder value so long as you can demonstrate your caring touchy-feely attitude and outdo your competitors for sensitivity, environmental consciousness and social justice. Worried about paying for your forthcoming gender reassignment surgery? Take a job with a US giant IT Company and claim tens of thousands of dollars towards the cost of your hospitalisation during your transition towards your self identified gender. Or maybe you’ve already become something else and just need a refresh of your old wardrobe? All taken care of in the modern workplace – its $400 at the same US Company. In Mushroom’s formative years in the Royal Air Force, whinging in the workplace was a sign of weakness and would attract instant ridicule. “Shouldn’t have joined if you couldn’t take a joke,” was a standard rejoinder to any tale of misfortune or perception of grievance. May I be excused flying duty tonight, Sir, I have to take the dog to the vet,” would be greeted by derision - not just by the supervisor but those who would otherwise have to fill in for the absence would be equally hostile.

Inexorably, the woke culture appears to have spread to the very areas of society in which it would be least expected, the Armed forces. The catchall of “inappropriate behaviour“ has, it seems, become the limiting factor in what can and cannot be done in completing the operational task.  Introspection on inclusiveness has now taken so much prominence that a whole operational day was recently devoted to mandatory training in wokeness for all ranks.  A recent report by the supremely woke Air Chief Marshal Wigston has, apparently, made no less than 36 recommendations about unacceptable levels of behaviour and methods for dealing with them.  But where would one start with 36 recommendations?  Were they prioritised and the costs and operational impacts properly laid out so that a reasonable plan could be devised? One could speculate that the Service Chiefs will be scratching their heads and wondering where to begin (if I was a Consultant, and advising them, I would, of course recommend "picking the low hanging fruit first"). With Ministers anxiously watching their social media accounts we may be sure to see more headline catching initiatives, doubtless at great expense and operational cost.

It’s not as though the Services haven’t got anything else to worry about at the moment.  With the conventional situation in Ukraine deteriorating by the hour, wild and inflammatory statements from political leaders abounding, it is easy to see how the conflict could escalate to Nuclear, Chemical and Biological (NBC) dimensions.  Now, in Mushroom’s later years, we were very good at fighting under an NBC threat.  Regular exercises conducted under NBC conditions involved long days and nights trussed-up in charcoal protective suits covering normal flying clothing and air purifying respirators.  Engineers practised working in the open in full NBC kit so that aircraft could be maintained ready for action, however hostile the environment, whilst aircrew learned to fly wearing the portable respirator and air purifier equipment known as AR5, or the "whistling wheelbarrow" as it was sometimes called.  Every excursion beyond the clean environment would require lengthy decontamination upon return.   I don’t mind saying it was awful, particularly if you were anything like claustrophobic. We would spend long hours on alert playing bridge and praying for “endex.”  In between, we would take regular refresher training in the theory of NBC survival and take practical tests in tear gas chambers to check our equipment worked.  I think, for cushiness, a day spent woke navel-gazing might be preferable to the periodic “ground defence training” in which the friendly RAF Regiment Flight Sergeant would keep the Officer Aircrew very much on their toes for a whole day – an excellent example of what we used to call “practice bleeding” but which, knowing our enemy, made absolute sense at the time.

Forty or so years on, with the collapse of the threat from the Warsaw Pact, several peace dividends have been declared.  Mushroom understands that NBC training and equipment has been progressively scaled back to the extent that, now a new threat has emerged, the Services are scrambling to reacquire the skills and equipment that might become necessary if the conflict in Ukraine escalates.  But with 36 unacceptable behaviour recommendations to tackle amongst regular operational commitments, how will NBC training be shoe-horned into a busy schedule without disturbing the delicate work/life balance of "our people?" Something in the culture may have to give and the raft of reviews on behaviour may have to be put to one side.

 

No Fly Zone

For those politicians piously advocating the instigation of a no-fly zone over Ukraine, Mushroom recommends prior research into the capabilities of the currently deployed Russian S400 integrated air defence system.  Said politicians may then conclude that the most effective no-fly zone is that provided by the Russian missile system.

Mushroom from 2018 - Nothing Changes

 If, as seems increasingly likely, the astonishing events in Salisbury are state-sponsored, how should the UK respond to this outrage.  Assuming evidence emerges that links the murder attempt to Russia, is there anything we could do to punish that country?

At times like this it would be comforting to look to the EU for support, collectively led by Federica Mogherini, the High Representative of the European Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy.  For reference, Federica Mogherini, who does not appear to have ever worked for a living, was a member of the Italian Communist Youth Federation from 1988 to 1996.  A spokeswoman of hers is married to a communication adviser to Gazprom, the Russian owned energy company and the largest supplier of natural gas in the world.  Perhaps it is unrealistic to expect a robust reaction from her?

We could hope that individual Nations may be more sympathetic.  Germany, for example should surely feel threatened by an aggressive Russia.  But then, having shut-down their nuclear generating capacity and under pressure not to reinstate any more coal-fired power stations, they are dependent upon Russian gas supplies and are unlikely to poke a stick in Putin's eye.

How things have changed.  In the mid 1980s I held a staff appointment at a NATO Air Headquarters at Ramstein, near Kaiserslautern.  The geography was idyllic - the Black Forest, Switzerland, Alsace, the Moselle Valley were all close by - and, with threat of mutually assured nuclear destruction apparently working and keeping weekends free for leisure, there was plenty of time for recreational travel.  However, that easy-going life concealed a harsh reality beneath.  My boss, Manfred, a steel-eyed Prussian, and all his German colleagues were under no illusions about the threat we faced.  War games were played out very seriously indeed and, depressingly, most ended in a furious nuclear exchange.  Before that strategic destruction, however, my German colleagues would have been quite content to loose off the odd small nuclear weapon to stem the advance of Warsaw Pact armour surging through the Fulda Gap and pushing through the Inner German Border towards Frankfurt - they knew what was at stake and they meant business.

But that was 1982 and, despite Crimea and Ukraine, perceptions of the Russian threat have changed today.  Desperate to believe that our opponents will always view problems with our smug Western bias, our politicians cannot bring themselves to admit, at least in public, that Russia poses a threat.  So, noble though it is, the Duke of Cambridge deciding not to go to the world cup is not going to cut it.  Neither will PNGing a handful of Russian diplomats of freezing the assets of a few criminal oligarchs. As Corporal Jones remarked, however, they don't like the cold steel up 'em - if we want to make an impression on Russia, we need bigger and better bayonets.  We should immediately commit the funds necessary to restore the operational integrity of our neglected armed forces and urge our NATO allies to do the same.  That is something Putin would understand.

Lord Patel's Nice Little Earner

 

At Yorkshire County Cricket Club, amid the self flagellation and abject surrender to punishment beating from the DCMS and ECB, the potential financial collapse of the Club and the legal chaos generated by the “new” management, it could be easy to gloss over the contribution of the saviour, appointed or otherwise, Lord Patel, the Chairman.  Our new Chairman has set about cleaning the stable with alacrity but, apparently, with scant regard for legal nicety and incurring substantial financial liabilities through various pay-offs, bonuses and compensations on the way.  Neither has he ignored his own comfort because, if rumours are to be believed, he has awarded himself a whacking £200,000 pa package for his pains.  Yorkshire members will be expected to approve the Chairman’s salary, along with other substantial retrospective financial arrangements at an Extraordinary General Meeting on March 14^th.  Just for reference, £200,000 is about the salary of the Armed Forces Chiefs, General Staff, First Sea Lord and Chief of the Air Staff but they do work 7 days a week.  I do hope, at the upcoming extraordinary meeting, Lord Patel is able to justify the value of his remuneration to members.

Inverted Pyramid of Piss over Headingley

I have not read “Jake’s Thing” by Kingsley Amis but my curiosity has been sufficiently aroused for me to add it to my reading list. One of the characters of the book, Geoffrey Mabbott, a buyer from a chutney firm, introduces the concept of the “inverted pyramid of piss.” As explained by Rory Sutherland, “The Wiki Man,” in one of his usually engaging articles in the Spectator, the inverted pyramid comprises, “a great parcel of attitudes, rules and catch words, resting on one tiny point.”  In a world or ever-increasing data, Sutherland argues, it becomes increasingly easy to find data to support your preconceptions.  As he put it, “take a small meaningless correlation and build a whole urinary edifice on top.”  We see this process everyday in the silos of social media intercourse.

Anyone taking an interest in the respective discourses of the new Board at Yorkshire County Cricket Club, the England and Wales Cricket Board, the Professional Cricketers Association and, of course, the cross-party Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Committee, led by Julian “Robespierre” Knight MP, cannot but be amazed at the volume of “evidence” arising in support of the allegations of racism at the first organisation on the list.

Take the latest session of the cross-party committee held on Tuesday 8 February with the Professional Cricketers Association, elegantly attired, and taking the stand. As part of my general service training as a General Duties Officer in the Royal Air Force, I was required to know how Air Force Law operated and, in particular, understand the rules of evidence and assumed such niceties would be observed by a body as august as a Parliamentary Committee.  I spent time as an Officer under instruction at Court Martial and I conducted two major accident investigations, one involving the Prince of Wales, no less, so I think I can spot a leading question when I see one or recognise hearsay when I hear it.  Now a lot of the accusations levelled against Yorkshire may be true – I have no idea since I have not seen any particular evidence.  I only know what I have read in the press and in that respect I am no better off than the exquisitely manicured Non-Executive Chair of the PCA, Julian Metherell, who admitted that he didn’t really know what was going on at Yorkshire, only what he had read in the press.  Nevertheless, when Julian Knight bowled an inviting underarm long hop outside the off stump, “what do you think of the people who for their own very particular reasons are trying to derail the (virtuous) process at Yorkshire,” Metherell cut viciously over the in-field and opined that there was no place for such people in the game and that they should be driven out.  Knight concluded the session by saying that Metherall’s reply was “the answer we were looking for.”  Quite so!

Such is the mounting urinary edifice threatening to neutralise the hapless members of Yorkshire County Cricket Club.  I am a member of that Club and I happen to believe that Lord Patel’s proposals to reconstitute the Board are bad for the membership.  Following the debacle of the illegitimate Emergency General Meeting, if the proposals are put to the membership in the future I will vote against.  I wish to make clear that my attitude has nothing to do with the allegations of racism and the inverted pyramid of piss above them – that is another matter.  But if cricket’s officialdom wish to conflate the two issues then, Julian Metherall, please don’t bother to drive me out, I know where the door is, thank you.

 

 

 

Battle Lines at Headingley

 

Lord Patel is quoted as saying, “a group of individuals is actively seeking to delay and derail" reform at Yorkshire following the club's racism scandal.” Julian Robespierre Knight has weighed in expressing, “deep concern,”  at those responsible for undermining the progress “that’s being driven” by Lord Patel.  The DCMS equivalent of the “Sea Green Incorruptible” goes further by stating: “anyone seeking to subvert his work must be called out and held to account."

So there it is in plain language – if you are not with us then you must be against us.  It is you that is the problem. Your criticism is unhelpful and merely reinforces your racist credentials.  Move over, or else!

The new Chairman appeared to be determined to confront the dinosaur membership head-on. But attempts to force through change have been thwarted when a recently slated Extraordinary General Meeting was cancelled because, “it came to their attention that the meeting had not been properly called.”  We are told that another EGM will be called in due course.

Will the membership bow to the pressure?

It would be supremely ironic if, in attempting to force through change in the interests of diversity and equality, the new Board created an impasse with the membership which left the club in such financial jeopardy that it brought the house down and destroyed the Club that, however flawed, does at least provide an opportunity for everyone to play cricket for Yorkshire.  Now that's what I call a derailment.

The Choice Facing Yorkshire County Cricket Club Members

 

Just like the Houellebecq novel, the ritual neutralisation of Yorkshire County Cricket Club continues apace and all the building blocks for Succession now seem to be in place.  In the interests of good governance, no doubt we shall hear, it is proposed that the Board is replaced with appointees (who’s likely affiliations and prejudices one need not spell out).  Governance is to be further reinforced by including a representative of the ECB with, presumably, voting rights and powers of veto, who will have a difficult job in balancing their new role of looking after Yorkshire County Cricket Club with their day job responsibilities for the English game as a whole.  You may, like me, have spotted a tricky conflict of interest here?  The new management has helpfully pointed out that, “members have the ability to overturn any nomination of an independent director when the appointment is put to members for ratification.”  However, how likely is it that the membership, staring into the abyss of extinction, will not vote for the governance proposals?  Doubtless the management will make clear that if we don’t agree to everything the ECB and the parliamentary Robespierre, Julian Knight MP demand, international cricket will be denied to Headingly and, hence, the financial viability of the Club will be fatally undermined.  Slam dunk, perhaps with an impossible choice at the ballot – submission to a new woke tyranny or surrender to the bailiffs!  To those that feel that the survival of YCCC is worth any sacrifice I would just add, philosophically rather than practically, that is has been observed that one may take anything one desires out of life but, at the end of the day, one has to pay.