RAF Order of the Day

 Following a complaint by a member of the Green Slime, the SAS has told special forces personal  to cease using demeaning and humiliating nicknames such as “Rupert “ or “Doris,” Accordingly , in the Royal Air Force, the practice of referring to Army Officers as, “Pongos” is to cease forthwith.  In future,  all Pongos are to be referred to as Army Officers. 

Lose - Lose for the Conservative Party

Whatever happens next in the Boris Johnson story, it seems, the outcome will be lose-lose for the Conservative Party.  Either the Prime Minister limps on, in which case the populist knee-jerking designed to keep him in power will continue at the expense of coherent conservative policy, or he will go and replaced by someone else from the cast of nonentities apparently waiting in the wings.  Declaring an interest, I had better admit that my judgement in predicting the worth of recent Prime Ministerial candidates has been hopelessly wrong – how could I have imagined May as a unifying force or that Johnson would lead us to the sunlit uplands of post-Brexit opportunity?  Fortunately, the cast have little to recommend themselves so, unless someone with the apparent good sense of Lord Frost can be persuaded to join the race, I will refrain from trying to pick a winner.  What on earth could any of them change that would reverse the fortunes of a demoralised membership? Indeed, the winning candidate will turn out to be a loser since it will be a case of suicide for the Conservative party, replace Johnson or not.

Whilst, as I say, I won’t venture an opinion on any of the candidate’s potential for success, I will point out why one of them, in particular should be disqualified at the starting gate.  I refer of course to Tom Tugendhat and his violent studs showing challenge on Roger Scruton when the great philosopher was grossly wronged and misrepresented by George Eaton of the New Statesman. Conduct unbecoming of an Officer and a Gentleman.

A Royal Memory

 

I have never, unfortunately, had the honour of an introduction to the Queen.  Of course, a framed scroll on my office wall reminds me that Elizabeth II, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of GREAT BRITAIN and NORTHERN IRELAND and of Her OTHER REALMS AND TERRITORIES QUEEN, HEAD of the COMMONWEALTH, DEFENDER of the FAITH, addressing me as “Our Trusty and Well Beloved,” appointed me as an Officer in the Royal Air Force.  On the eve of the Platinum Jubilee celebrations I recall, about the time of the Silver milestone, the closest I came to Her Majesty.

The late 1970s were turbulent; industrial action including petty wildcat strikes was widespread, inflation was rampant, unemployment was pitifully high and the economy bumped along on the bottom as Great Britain lived up to he title of “the sick man of Europe.”  Wages lagged well behind prices, particularly in the Armed Forces.  It was said that a front-line fighter pilot earned less than a guard on the London Underground, whether at work or on strike.  At Royal Air Force Marham, where we happily stationed at the time, the Station Commander was shocked to receive a letter from a highly qualified Corporal technician begging the Group Captain to support his application to be released from his engagement because, on his present wages, he could not meet the basic outgoings for his family. Nevertheless, even as we approached the “Winter of Discontent,” morale was surprisingly good and was boosted when Her Majesty paid an official visit to the Station.

For those of us not scheduled to meet the Queen during the tour, the highlight of the day was an official lunch in the Officers’ Mess attended by the Station executives, Officers, and their Ladies.  Lunch was delightful and went like clockwork, thanks to the superb Mess staff we had in those days.  After lunch, unusually, Her Majesty consented to joining the Station Executives for a group photograph.  Peter Beer, OC 57 Squadron at the time but formally and Equerry to Her Majesty was probably responsible for pulling strings and setting up the selfie of a lifetime!

So there we were, arranged in pleasing order at the West end of the Ante Room, with 5 of us standing at the back and 4 seated at the front with a vacant seat in the centre, all ready for her arrival.  Her Majesty duly arrived and took her place.  Immediately, the Corporal photographer pressed the shutter release and took one step back to indicate that his work was done.

“Is that it,” inquired Her Majesty?

“Yes Ma’am,” replied the Corporal, adding, “I’ve been told to get it right first time.”

“I think you’d better take another one,” replied the Queen, “just in case don’t you think?”

A wonderful memory of a very special day and I hope you have a lovely weekend Ma’am!

 

Conduct Prejudicial

 

I have received a warning from Oliver Dowding, the Conservative Party Chairman, reminding me, as a Party member, to uphold the highest standards and that I am bound by the Conservative Party’s codes of conduct.  Refreshing on the document, I note with interest that, “Bringing the Party into “Disrepute,”” means causing the Party to be held in low or negative esteem as a result of a member’s behaviour or actions and that suspected cases will be investigated using an objective test - an “evidence based approach.” The case against the Prime Minister, based upon the evidence of current opinion polls, is slam-dunk.  But what is even more disreputable is the hundreds of Conservative MPs who are fearlessly cowering in the trenches, unwilling to commit to principle and decent behaviour as being fundamental to their trusted position.  Perhaps they are waiting for the results of the upcoming by elections before daring to move?  In which case, when the bandwagon really gets going, ever serve them right!

Boris Johnson is not The Man for the Moment

 

I have given up trying to understand what this Conservative Government stands for.  The heady days of the get Brexit done 80 seat majority are well behind us and in front of us we see a mediocre bunch of sycophants desperately buffeted by an increasingly effective opposition, the press and, of course, social media.

Today’s scandal of yet another shirt-lifting Tory will likely be “brushed aside” because, as the PM’s spokespeople will point out, “the public are far more concerned with the cost of living crisis (or was it crime or was it illegal immigration)?”

Boris is prone to brushing aside what he finds inconvenient.  Quite content to hand out nuclear guarantees like prizes at the school sports day, when told by people who know about these things that he really must spend more on defence, he “brushed their concerns aside.”

Meantime, the clamour for a windfall tax on the wicked profit hungry energy companies becomes politically irresistible, according to the press and the focus groups, that is.  But hang on a bit!  There is a lot that could come out in the potential unintended consequences of establishing the principle of retrospective taxation.  Why stop with fat cat industry?  What about all those who earn a bit more than the rest of us?  Imagine what a Labour Government would do once the principle of retrospective taxation had been conceded? 

Yet here we are, 6 years after the EU Referendum, and still negotiating the terms of departure.  Whilst we should be embracing our new freedoms to increase, for example, agricultural production through gene editing, using state aid to promote innovation and growth, and extracting the energy we need from indigenous resources, we are languishing in anguish, torn this way and that by focus groups and media campaigns.  And that is before the monstrous waste of HS2 and the economically emasculating, nay suicidal, agenda in pursuit of net zero.

We desperately need some leadership and sense of direction if we are to avoid some of the dire economic and social consequences of the current shocks to our cosy world.  But looking at the present front bench (and the opposition), I’m not sure I would trust any one of them to run a kebab franchise, let alone a sovereign nation with so much potential in the world.  The twin threats of Putin inspired nuclear destruction and potentially Weimar-like inflation ravaging the whole world, leave little room for optimism.  What we don’t want is the seriousness of our situation to be brushed aside in favour of some unrealistic cakeism - Boris Johnson is not the man for the moment.

Military Priorities Today

 

In  these modern and enlightened times, employees feel they have a right  to bring their domestic issues to the workplace. Employers have assumed a new duty to care for employee “wellness.“ and competition in the market place for wellness benevolence is fierce. Never mind about productivity or shareholder value so long as you can demonstrate your caring touchy-feely attitude and outdo your competitors for sensitivity, environmental consciousness and social justice. Worried about paying for your forthcoming gender reassignment surgery? Take a job with a US giant IT Company and claim tens of thousands of dollars towards the cost of your hospitalisation during your transition towards your self identified gender. Or maybe you’ve already become something else and just need a refresh of your old wardrobe? All taken care of in the modern workplace – its $400 at the same US Company. In Mushroom’s formative years in the Royal Air Force, whinging in the workplace was a sign of weakness and would attract instant ridicule. “Shouldn’t have joined if you couldn’t take a joke,” was a standard rejoinder to any tale of misfortune or perception of grievance. May I be excused flying duty tonight, Sir, I have to take the dog to the vet,” would be greeted by derision - not just by the supervisor but those who would otherwise have to fill in for the absence would be equally hostile.

Inexorably, the woke culture appears to have spread to the very areas of society in which it would be least expected, the Armed forces. The catchall of “inappropriate behaviour“ has, it seems, become the limiting factor in what can and cannot be done in completing the operational task.  Introspection on inclusiveness has now taken so much prominence that a whole operational day was recently devoted to mandatory training in wokeness for all ranks.  A recent report by the supremely woke Air Chief Marshal Wigston has, apparently, made no less than 36 recommendations about unacceptable levels of behaviour and methods for dealing with them.  But where would one start with 36 recommendations?  Were they prioritised and the costs and operational impacts properly laid out so that a reasonable plan could be devised? One could speculate that the Service Chiefs will be scratching their heads and wondering where to begin (if I was a Consultant, and advising them, I would, of course recommend "picking the low hanging fruit first"). With Ministers anxiously watching their social media accounts we may be sure to see more headline catching initiatives, doubtless at great expense and operational cost.

It’s not as though the Services haven’t got anything else to worry about at the moment.  With the conventional situation in Ukraine deteriorating by the hour, wild and inflammatory statements from political leaders abounding, it is easy to see how the conflict could escalate to Nuclear, Chemical and Biological (NBC) dimensions.  Now, in Mushroom’s later years, we were very good at fighting under an NBC threat.  Regular exercises conducted under NBC conditions involved long days and nights trussed-up in charcoal protective suits covering normal flying clothing and air purifying respirators.  Engineers practised working in the open in full NBC kit so that aircraft could be maintained ready for action, however hostile the environment, whilst aircrew learned to fly wearing the portable respirator and air purifier equipment known as AR5, or the "whistling wheelbarrow" as it was sometimes called.  Every excursion beyond the clean environment would require lengthy decontamination upon return.   I don’t mind saying it was awful, particularly if you were anything like claustrophobic. We would spend long hours on alert playing bridge and praying for “endex.”  In between, we would take regular refresher training in the theory of NBC survival and take practical tests in tear gas chambers to check our equipment worked.  I think, for cushiness, a day spent woke navel-gazing might be preferable to the periodic “ground defence training” in which the friendly RAF Regiment Flight Sergeant would keep the Officer Aircrew very much on their toes for a whole day – an excellent example of what we used to call “practice bleeding” but which, knowing our enemy, made absolute sense at the time.

Forty or so years on, with the collapse of the threat from the Warsaw Pact, several peace dividends have been declared.  Mushroom understands that NBC training and equipment has been progressively scaled back to the extent that, now a new threat has emerged, the Services are scrambling to reacquire the skills and equipment that might become necessary if the conflict in Ukraine escalates.  But with 36 unacceptable behaviour recommendations to tackle amongst regular operational commitments, how will NBC training be shoe-horned into a busy schedule without disturbing the delicate work/life balance of "our people?" Something in the culture may have to give and the raft of reviews on behaviour may have to be put to one side.

 

No Fly Zone

For those politicians piously advocating the instigation of a no-fly zone over Ukraine, Mushroom recommends prior research into the capabilities of the currently deployed Russian S400 integrated air defence system.  Said politicians may then conclude that the most effective no-fly zone is that provided by the Russian missile system.