Those Brexit Negotiations In Full

With a pause in election reporting some newspapers have filled their front pages with the PM’s broadside against the EU and its officialdom.  I am at a loss to understand the obsession, led by the BBC Channel 4 and the Liberal Democrats, about the importance of “finding a deal” during the EU exit negotiations when a perfectly good arrangement already exists.  If it aint broke, don’t fix it. This is how it should go:

Good morning.  I represent the interests of the United Kingdom and you, if I am not mistaken, represent the disparate self-interest of the other 27 nations comprising the EU? We have already stated our commitment to full cooperation in, amongst other things, defence, security, and human rights.  We think this discussion is principally about access to each other’s markets. We have, as you know, a very good trading arrangement in place amongst ourselves – not perfect but given the national self-interest, mentioned above, the best arrangement in the circumstances. It is our wish to continue that arrangement when the UK leaves the EU.  Is that also the wish of the other 27?

I’ll take that as a no then?

The UK will, therefore, rely on WTO uniform tariffs in future trade (I’ll leave you gentlemen to do your respective math).

Good heavens, is it time for lunch already?