Sunday, 22 December 2019

The Christmas Irritant List 2019


I apologise for the late publication of the Christmas Irritants List for 2019 but, at the last minute, in stupendous acts of Darwinian purification, several entries on my draft list disqualified themselves during the general election process. Hopefully we shall never see them or their species again. So here they are, the remaining 2019 top 10,  in ascending order of irritation. There is no-one from Channel 4 this year and I enjoyed a much more agreeable year by not watching it but, from occasional peeks at Sky News, Beth Rigby, she of the grating elocution and ludicrous lippy, makes it in at No 10. Beth was eclipsed by another TV “personality,” Gary Winston Lineker. Surely there is little to add to Gary's mission to save world except the advice, stick to football? Lewis Hamilton keeps his place at the front of the grid for bling and another year of formulaic and insincere self-deprecation. As does St Matthew of Parris whose incessant whinging has somehow found its way into The Times and the Spectator despite the increasing desperation of his wishful thinking. Just ahead, however, is the even bigger whinger Ian Blackford whose strategy in promoting Scottish separation will surely drive us to barricade Berwick-upon-Tweed to keep out the noise.  Into the top half of the table comes the snidish winnet Ian Hislop, closely followed by Jeremy Hardy, who, according to Wikipedia, was a comedian. The talentless and squinting Claudia Winkleman eases into third place – get your hair cut pet! There was not much to choose between the Duchess of Sussex and this year’s winner but I shall give the relentlessly woke Meghan the benefit of the doubt, particularly since she and Harry are giving us all a break by keeping their royal heads down for a few weeks over Christmas – our gain is surely North America’s loss? Which leaves the winner’s podium clear for the gruesome gargoyle Elton John. What more can be said about this pompous, sanctimonious, virtue-signalling, shirt-lifter apart from expressing the hope that he keeps his self-righteous stream of consciousness to himself in 2020?

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