I apologise for the late publication of the Christmas
Irritants List for 2019 but, at the last minute, in stupendous acts of Darwinian purification, several
entries on my draft list disqualified themselves during the general election
process. Hopefully we shall never see them or their species again. So here they
are, the remaining 2019 top 10, in ascending order
of irritation. There is no-one from Channel 4 this year and I enjoyed a much more
agreeable year by not watching it but, from occasional peeks at Sky News, Beth
Rigby, she of the grating elocution and ludicrous lippy, makes it in at No 10. Beth
was eclipsed by another TV “personality,” Gary Winston Lineker. Surely there is
little to add to Gary's mission to save world except the advice, stick to football?
Lewis Hamilton keeps his place at the front of the grid for bling and another
year of formulaic and insincere self-deprecation. As does St Matthew of Parris
whose incessant whinging has somehow found its way into The Times and the
Spectator despite the increasing desperation of his wishful thinking. Just
ahead, however, is the even bigger whinger Ian Blackford whose strategy in promoting
Scottish separation will surely drive us to barricade Berwick-upon-Tweed to
keep out the noise. Into the top half of
the table comes the snidish winnet Ian Hislop, closely followed by Jeremy
Hardy, who, according to Wikipedia, was a comedian. The talentless and squinting
Claudia Winkleman eases into third place – get your hair cut pet! There was not
much to choose between the Duchess of Sussex and this year’s winner but I shall
give the relentlessly woke Meghan the
benefit of the doubt, particularly since she and Harry are giving us all a
break by keeping their royal heads down for a few weeks over Christmas – our
gain is surely North America’s loss? Which leaves the winner’s podium clear for
the gruesome gargoyle Elton John. What more can be said about this pompous,
sanctimonious, virtue-signalling, shirt-lifter apart from expressing the hope
that he keeps his self-righteous stream of consciousness to himself in 2020?
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