BBC Spoof Drama - World on Fire

 

The BBC is currently excelling itself with the spoof wartime drama, “World on Fire.”  The plot is obvious:  bungling male white British colonialist racists v Nazis (no Germans).  Fortunately, there are several feisty females to keep the war on track.  It’s the sheer preposterousness that I find addictive.  For example, David, who I think is Jewish, is a fighter pilot.  David has been successful flying the all-weather day/night Spitcane with notable victories against Nazi bombers in cloud and at night.  Last night he was sent on a dangerous mission to fly through bad weather across the Channel and locate some troublesome Nazi guns by breaking cloud cover and plotting the resulting fire.  David, who maintains crystal clear radio communications with his controller, who he meticulously addresses as “Sir (this is very odd because elsewhere in the drama other ranks appear to address Officers as anything but Sir),” breaks cloud with pin-point accuracy and announces his position as over Northern France at coordinates 50 degrees North and 30 degrees West.  Some mistake surely?  Fifty North and 30 West is about halfway between Canada and Ireland in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, or at least it was the last time I flew under Oceanic Air Traffic Control.  No matter, David finds his way safely home only to be sent on an even more dangerous mission.  This time he is not so lucky but he deserves his fate.  We see David in the spacious Spitcane cockpit wresting the cockpit canopy with both hands whilst trees appear ever closer a few feet below (tip from an old flying instructor – whatever else, always fly the aeroplane).  Rather than crash land, David appears to have parachuted to safety (perhaps he was influenced by a previous scrape in which he urged his colleague to, "eject, eject") – the canopy, apparently miraculously opening at ground level, just in time to save him.  Leaving his shredded silk festooned on a tree so that he can be easily located, David staggers off into shallow undergrowth and successfully evades capture by lots of incompetent Nazi soldiers.  So far that is, and I cannot wait for next week’s excitement.  Whatever will the army of BBC Equality Diversity and Inclusion consultants, sensitivity readers, and fact checkers come up with next?

Mushroom the King-Maker

 

It doesn’t seem to be apparent in UK yet but across Europe tired centrist governments are seeking the support of right wing (“far right” in BBC definition) populists to shore up their declining  support with their respective electorates. Friedrich Merz of the German CDU recently talked about a possible accommodation with the Alternative fur Deutschland (extreme right in BBC definition). I know it’s a long shot but in the unlikely event that the Conservatives win a hung parliament, there will probably have to be some accommodation by the established parties towards inconvenient populist viewpoints if a new government is to get off the drawing board. Expecting a crowded market place, all eager to cash in on king-making rewards,  Mushroom needs to set out his stall early.  His radical offering contains just a handful of simple principles. The manifesto rejects:

• Arbitrary net zero targets and deadlines
• Open borders
• Burgeoning political correctness

And stands for:

• Personal responsibility
• Effective military capability
• Low taxation and the presumption that we should pay for what we consume

All that is needed is a catchily familiar identification.  Alternative for United Kingdom or AFUK for short sounds good.  Meantime, I’ll sit back and wait for the phone to ring and I’ll let you know how I get on opening a bank account.

Selby & Ainsty By Election

 

We have a by election in our constituency, Selby & Ainsty, on Thursday 20 July.  This wholly unnecessary procedure is the result of the petulant resignation of the sitting Conservative MP, Nigel Adams.  Over the last week, I have received 3 phone calls from anxious Conservative canvassers asking my opinion, on a scale of 1 to 5 or 10, how I feel about various policies.  Presumably, the collective tactile exercise will be used to direct the election messaging.  Mushroom can save them the bother – here is what he and, I dare say, many wavering Conservatives in Selby & Ainsty think:

• I do not care about your various police initiatives.  All I want is for the Police to do their job, under existing laws, and catch criminals.  The fact that over 90% of burglaries are never solved is a disgrace in a civilised society which depends upon the rule of law.
• Immigration is out of control.  The Rwanda scheme is by no means perfect but it is all I see on the table at the moment.  If any of the hand wringers have a better idea then let them propose it or forever hold their peace
• I will not die in a ditch over the green belt – if we need development then, pragmatically, something has to give. But, if we must have development it is axiomatic that appropriate services to support the growing population are provided in parallel.  By the way, one sure fire way of reducing the need for housing development would be to get a grip on immigration, both legal and illegal.
• I think the response to various flood disasters has been satisfactory and I do not see why we should spend vast amounts of money protecting people who are silly enough to buy a house in a flood plain.  I object to paying extra premiums on my house insurance to cover people who are too dumb to do a reasonable amount of due diligence before buying.
• Of course we need more jobs but it is not the Government’s job to create them.  The Government should create the environment for business then get out of the way.
• You may think that you can sweep defence and security under the carpet for now but you will regret it at the next election.  Nobody has a clear idea of how the war in Ukraine will ever end and what state the belligerent parties and their helpers will be in afterwards.  The possibility of Trump returning to Commander in Chief and insisting that Europeans actually pay for their defence could concentrate minds, even in Germany.  Best you persuade Wallace to change his mind.

Meantime, I have received a large volume of, largely, uninformative literature from the plethora of other candidates.  I have to say, however, that I was particularly struck by ex Conservative, Sue Anderson Brown, who wails about the plight of her hard-working daughters (two teachers and a nurse) who are struggling to make ends meet.  She thinks getting rid of the Conservatives will solve their difficulty.  Mushroom has a couple of more immediate practical suggestions to alleviate their respective crises.  Firstly, why not take a part time job on all your sick days – nobody would ever know and you should be able to offer a regular commitment.  Secondly, why not retire early on your unique defined benefit pension?  I hope that is helpful Sue?