BBC Spoof Drama - World on Fire

 

The BBC is currently excelling itself with the spoof wartime drama, “World on Fire.”  The plot is obvious:  bungling male white British colonialist racists v Nazis (no Germans).  Fortunately, there are several feisty females to keep the war on track.  It’s the sheer preposterousness that I find addictive.  For example, David, who I think is Jewish, is a fighter pilot.  David has been successful flying the all-weather day/night Spitcane with notable victories against Nazi bombers in cloud and at night.  Last night he was sent on a dangerous mission to fly through bad weather across the Channel and locate some troublesome Nazi guns by breaking cloud cover and plotting the resulting fire.  David, who maintains crystal clear radio communications with his controller, who he meticulously addresses as “Sir (this is very odd because elsewhere in the drama other ranks appear to address Officers as anything but Sir),” breaks cloud with pin-point accuracy and announces his position as over Northern France at coordinates 50 degrees North and 30 degrees West.  Some mistake surely?  Fifty North and 30 West is about halfway between Canada and Ireland in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, or at least it was the last time I flew under Oceanic Air Traffic Control.  No matter, David finds his way safely home only to be sent on an even more dangerous mission.  This time he is not so lucky but he deserves his fate.  We see David in the spacious Spitcane cockpit wresting the cockpit canopy with both hands whilst trees appear ever closer a few feet below (tip from an old flying instructor – whatever else, always fly the aeroplane).  Rather than crash land, David appears to have parachuted to safety (perhaps he was influenced by a previous scrape in which he urged his colleague to, "eject, eject") – the canopy, apparently miraculously opening at ground level, just in time to save him.  Leaving his shredded silk festooned on a tree so that he can be easily located, David staggers off into shallow undergrowth and successfully evades capture by lots of incompetent Nazi soldiers.  So far that is, and I cannot wait for next week’s excitement.  Whatever will the army of BBC Equality Diversity and Inclusion consultants, sensitivity readers, and fact checkers come up with next?

Mushroom the King-Maker

 

It doesn’t seem to be apparent in UK yet but across Europe tired centrist governments are seeking the support of right wing (“far right” in BBC definition) populists to shore up their declining  support with their respective electorates. Friedrich Merz of the German CDU recently talked about a possible accommodation with the Alternative fur Deutschland (extreme right in BBC definition). I know it’s a long shot but in the unlikely event that the Conservatives win a hung parliament, there will probably have to be some accommodation by the established parties towards inconvenient populist viewpoints if a new government is to get off the drawing board. Expecting a crowded market place, all eager to cash in on king-making rewards,  Mushroom needs to set out his stall early.  His radical offering contains just a handful of simple principles. The manifesto rejects:

• Arbitrary net zero targets and deadlines
• Open borders
• Burgeoning political correctness

And stands for:

• Personal responsibility
• Effective military capability
• Low taxation and the presumption that we should pay for what we consume

All that is needed is a catchily familiar identification.  Alternative for United Kingdom or AFUK for short sounds good.  Meantime, I’ll sit back and wait for the phone to ring and I’ll let you know how I get on opening a bank account.

Selby & Ainsty By Election

 

We have a by election in our constituency, Selby & Ainsty, on Thursday 20 July.  This wholly unnecessary procedure is the result of the petulant resignation of the sitting Conservative MP, Nigel Adams.  Over the last week, I have received 3 phone calls from anxious Conservative canvassers asking my opinion, on a scale of 1 to 5 or 10, how I feel about various policies.  Presumably, the collective tactile exercise will be used to direct the election messaging.  Mushroom can save them the bother – here is what he and, I dare say, many wavering Conservatives in Selby & Ainsty think:

• I do not care about your various police initiatives.  All I want is for the Police to do their job, under existing laws, and catch criminals.  The fact that over 90% of burglaries are never solved is a disgrace in a civilised society which depends upon the rule of law.
• Immigration is out of control.  The Rwanda scheme is by no means perfect but it is all I see on the table at the moment.  If any of the hand wringers have a better idea then let them propose it or forever hold their peace
• I will not die in a ditch over the green belt – if we need development then, pragmatically, something has to give. But, if we must have development it is axiomatic that appropriate services to support the growing population are provided in parallel.  By the way, one sure fire way of reducing the need for housing development would be to get a grip on immigration, both legal and illegal.
• I think the response to various flood disasters has been satisfactory and I do not see why we should spend vast amounts of money protecting people who are silly enough to buy a house in a flood plain.  I object to paying extra premiums on my house insurance to cover people who are too dumb to do a reasonable amount of due diligence before buying.
• Of course we need more jobs but it is not the Government’s job to create them.  The Government should create the environment for business then get out of the way.
• You may think that you can sweep defence and security under the carpet for now but you will regret it at the next election.  Nobody has a clear idea of how the war in Ukraine will ever end and what state the belligerent parties and their helpers will be in afterwards.  The possibility of Trump returning to Commander in Chief and insisting that Europeans actually pay for their defence could concentrate minds, even in Germany.  Best you persuade Wallace to change his mind.

Meantime, I have received a large volume of, largely, uninformative literature from the plethora of other candidates.  I have to say, however, that I was particularly struck by ex Conservative, Sue Anderson Brown, who wails about the plight of her hard-working daughters (two teachers and a nurse) who are struggling to make ends meet.  She thinks getting rid of the Conservatives will solve their difficulty.  Mushroom has a couple of more immediate practical suggestions to alleviate their respective crises.  Firstly, why not take a part time job on all your sick days – nobody would ever know and you should be able to offer a regular commitment.  Secondly, why not retire early on your unique defined benefit pension?  I hope that is helpful Sue?

BBC Internal Watchdog Unfit for Purpose - Shock Revelation

 

Readers may remember Mushroom’s, ultimately, fruitless battle with the BBC which ended with an OFCOM ruling in 2018.  The essence of my complaint was that the BBC, through their reporter Kamal Ahmed had deliberately manipulated data to support an editorial line that UK would be much worse off out of the EU.  I escalated my complaint to OFCOM because I considered that the BBC News at Ten report on 14 Feb 18 was inaccurate, biased and misleading and the BBC, through their complaints process, had not addressed my concerns satisfactorily.  I wrote at the time that, “in rejecting my submission Ofcom pointed out that their duty under the Communications Act 2003 was to ensure that broadcasters are “duly” impartial and “duly” accurate.  In my case, Ofcom found that the BBC had been duly accurate, not unduly biased and not unduly misleading.

Ofcom said that “due” means adequate or appropriate to the subject and nature of the programme and that “due impartiality” does not therefore mean “an equal division of time has to be given to every view, or that every argument and every facet of every argument has to be represented. 

 So, it seems to me, the BBC may construct a programme in which Brexit is in the dock.  However, the evidence for the prosecution need only be “duly” accurate.  Worse, the evidence for the defence need not be heard in full since the subject and nature of the programme is Brexit in the dock; the test of “due impartiality” providing generous cover for how facts are selected and represented.  In sum, it seems to me, if the programme content is roughly (duly) consistent with the editorial line, then anything passes the Ofcom test!  Like Captain Yossarian, I am tempted to let out a respectful whistle and exclaim, “that’s some catch.”  And like Doc Daneeka, you might agree, “it’s the best there is?”

 It came as little comfort, but no surprise, that the “BBC internal Watchdog” has been dismissed as unfit for purpose after upholding a mere 25 complaints of bias in the last 5 years.  During this time the BBC would have received over 1.7 million complains of which, statistically, over 600,000 would have been complaints about bias.  It was considered inconceivable that all but 25 of theses complaints were either considered to be without merit or were dealt wilt informally to the satisfaction of the complainant. Quite so!

 As for Ahmed, in a dose of the curse of Mushroom, he was made redundant by the BBC in 2021.  According to Wikipedia, he now heads a digital news company that aims to counter misinformation.

 

Commons Defence Committee

 I have just been catching up on the proceedings of the Commons Defence Committee, yesterday, 1 February 2023.  Trigger warning, this is an excruciating experience, particularly for Air Force veterans.  However, in true Staff College tradition, I am pleased to summarise the evidence of the star witness, Air Chief Marshal Sir Mike Wigston, Chief of the Air Staff, as follows:

Sleep tight tonight, your Air Farce is awoke.

Looking back on my accident investigation experience it would be tempting to blame the Chief for the situation.  However, the root cause is surely the half-wit who appointed him in the first place?

Festive Sport

 

The programme resumes today after the festive break with the Conservative & Unionists facing a 30 point gap from safety.  Indeed, they face an uphill task for the remainder of the season as they attempt to shore up the club finances following the exodus of a large number of supporters.  The Manager hopes that some familiar names on the team sheet will change the crowd’s perception of United’s recent negative tactics.  Matt Warman remains suspended after his dismissal for violent conduct last time out.  Braveman is not risked following her succession of yellow cards for protest against the officials.  Despite showing a clean pair of heels to the opposition, Timpson misses out. Goodwill continues to try to impress whilst Merriman comes in for Freeman who has been released by the Club.  Duigud remains side-lined. The mid-field is unchanged with Levy once again covering for Freer and Cash.  Mark Spencer continues between the posts after his run of clean sheets.

 

Conservative & Unionists United XI

(4-4-2)

 

	Mark Spencer
Robert Goodwill	Liz Truss	Julian Sturdy	Huw Merriman
Tom Pursglove	Ian Levy	Mike Freer	Bill Cash
	Alberto Costa	Theresa Coffey

 

Christmas Irritants 2022

 

Perhaps it’s an age thing but I seem to have become more tolerant over the year.  Winkleperson continues to grate, like a nail on a blackboard, the Sussexes have made themselves so ridiculous that they can no longer be viewed seriously and therefore disqualify themselves, and even Gary Neville, making a surging run in the ITV commentary box, fails to make an impression in the final third.  Most of last years worthy finalists, including ever-presents like Lewis Hamilton and Gary Linekar have fallen victim to the squelch control on my radio set.  Even Julian Knight, having twinkled brightly last year, has encountered some personal difficulty which will serve to keep him quiet for the foreseeable.  It would be a poor selection this year were it not for a group entry whose sustained demonstration of incompetence, totally unjustified self-regard, and nauseating narcissism has provoked universal exasperation.   I refer, of course, to the 356 listed below (many of whom you will be completely unfamiliar but I include them all for completeness).  Following a brief flirtation with popularity at the back end of 2019, their motto at the time, “Ever Serve You Right,” has proved distressingly prescient:

Nigel Adams Bim Afolami Nicki Aiken Adam Afriyie Peter Aldous Lucy Allan Lee Anderson Stuart Anderson Stuart Andrew Caroline Ansell Edward Argar Sarah Atherton Victoria Atkins Gareth Bacon Richard Bacon Kemi Badenoch Shaun Bailey Siobhan Baille Duncan Baker Steven Baker Harriett Baldwin Steve Barclay John Baron Simon Baynes Aaron Bell Scott Benton Paul Beresford Jake Berry Saqib Bhatti Bob Blackman Crispin Blunt Peter Bone Peter Bottomley Andrew Bowie Ken Bradley Karen Bradley Graham Brady Suella Braverman Jack Brereton Andrew Bridgen Steve Brine Paul Bristow Sara Britcliffe Anthony Browne Fiona Bruce Felicity Buchan Robert Buckland Alex Burghart Conor Burns Rob Butler Alun Cairns Andy Carter James Cartlidge William Cash Miriam Cates Maria Caulfield Alex Chalk Rehman Chishti Christopher Chope Jo Churchill Greg Clark Simon Clark Theo Clark Fay Jones Marcus Jones Simon Jupp Daniel Kawczynski Alicea Kearns Gillian Keegan Greg Knight Kate Kniveton Danny Kruger Kwasi Kwarteng Eleanor Laing John Lamont Robert Largan Pauline Latham Andrea Leadsom Edward leigh Ian Levy Andrew Lewer Brandon Lewis Julian Lewis Ian Liddell-Grainger Chris Loder Mark Logan Marco Longhi Julia Lopez Jack Lopresti Johnathan Lord Tim Loughton Craig Mackinley Cherilyn Mackrory Rachel Maclean Alan Mak Kit Malthouse Anthony Mangnall Scott Mann Julie Marson Theresa May Jerome Mayhew Paul Maynard Jason McCartney Karl McCartney Stephen McPartland Esther McVey Mark Menzies Johnny Mercer Huw Merriman Stephen Metcalfe Robin Millar Maria Miller Amanda Milling Nigel Mills Andrew Mitchell Gagan Mohindra Damien Moore Robbie Moore Penny Mordaunt Anne Marie Morris David Morris James Morris Joy Morrissey Jill Mortimer Wendy Morton Kieran Mullan

Brendan Clarke-Smith Chris Clarkson James Cleverly Geoffrey Clifton-Brown Therese Coffey Elliot Colburn Damian Collins Alberto Costa Robert Courts Claire Coutinho Geoffrey Cox Stephen Crabb Virginia Crosbie Tracy Crouch James Daly David Davies Gareth Davies James Davies Mims Davies Philip Davies David Davies Dehenna Davison Caroline Dinenage Sarah Dines Jonathan Djanogly Leo Docherty Michelle Donelan Nadine Dorries Steve Double Oliver Dowden Jackie Doyle-Price Richard Drax Flick Drummond James Duddridge David Duguid Iain Duncan Smith Philip Dunne Mark Eastwood Ruth Edwards Michael Ellis Tobias Ellwood Natalie Elphicke George Eustace Luke Evans Nigel Evans David Evennett Ben Everitt Michael Fabricant Laura Farris Simon Fell Anna Firth Katherine Fletcher Mark Fletcher Nick Fletcher Vicky Ford Kevin Foster Liam Fox Mark Francois Lucy Frazer George Freeman Mike Freer Louie French Richard Fuller Holly Mumby-Croft David Mundell Sheryll Murray Andre Murrison Robert Neill Lia Nici Caroline Noakes Jesse Norman Neil O’Brien Matthew Offord Guy Opperman Priti Patel Mark Pawsey Mike Penning John Penrose Andrew Percy Chris Philp Dan Poulter Rebecca Pow Victoria Prentis Mark Pritchard Tom Pursglove Jeremy Quin Will Quince Dominic Raab Tom Randall John Redwood Jacob Ress-Mogg Nicola Richards Angela Richardson Laurence Robertson Mary Robinson Andrew Rosindell Douglas Ross Lee Rowley Dean Russell David Rutley Gary Sambrook Selaine Saxby Paul Scully Bob Seely Andrew Selous Grant Shapps Alok Sharma Alec Shelbrooke David Simmonds Chris Skidmore Chloe Smith Greg Smith Henry Smith Julian Smith Royston Smith Amanda Solloway Ben Spencer Mark Spencer Alexander Stafford Andrew Stephenson Jane Stevenson John Stevenson Bob Stewart Iain Stewart Gary Streeter Mel Stride

Marcus Fysh Roger Gale Mark Garnier Nusrat Ghani Nick Gibb Peter Gibson Jo Gideon John Glen Robert Goodwill Michael Gove Richard Graham Helen Grant James Gray Chris Grayling Chris Green Damian Green Andrew Griffith James Grundy Johnathan Gullis Robert Halfon Luke Hall Stephen Hammond Greg Hands Mark Harper Rebecca Harris Trudy Harrison Sally-Ann Hart Simon Hart John Hayes Oliver Heald James Heappey Chris Heaton-Harris Gordon Henderson Darren Henry Antony Higinbotham Damian Hinds Simon Hoare Richard Holden Kevin Hollinrake Philip Hollobone Adam Holloway Paul Holmes John Howell Paul Howell Nigel Huddleston Neil Hudson Eddie Hughes Jane Hunt Jeremy Hunt Tom Hunt Alister Jack Sajid Javid Ranil Jayawardena Bernard Jenkin Mark Jenkinson Andrea Jenkyns Robert Jenrick Boris Johnson Caroline Johnson Gareth Johnson David Johnston Andrew Jones David Jones Graham Stuart Julian Sturdy Rishi Sunak James Sutherland Desmond Swayne Robert Syms Derek Thomas Maggie Throup Edward Timpson Kelly Tolhurst Justin Tomlinson Michael Tomlinson Craig Tracy Anne-Marie Trevelyan Laura Trott Elizabeth Truss Tom Tugendhat Shailesh Vara Martin Vickers Matt Vickers Theresa Villiers Charles Walker Robin Walker Ben Wallace Jamie Wallace Matt Warman Giles Watling Suzanne Webb Helen Whately Heather Wheeler Craig Whittaker John Whittingdale Bill Wiggin James Wild Craig Williams Gavin Williamson Mike Wood William Wragg Jeremy Wright Jacob Young Nadhim Zahawi